Monday, April 30, 2007

Your Tax Form Explained


Paying Tax?? A Special bulletin for your convenience!

How to fill and submit your IT return in the easiest way!

This step by step guide will help you finish filing your Income Tax return in a Jiffy!

Note- Please follow all the instructions carefully.

Ø Firstly, Buy your IT form. Don’t take a photo copy from your friend or ask your auditor. Be responsible. Buy it. Kill piracy.

Ø In column No.1, write your name, surname, middle name, date and exact time of birth, Longitude and Latitude of the place you were born in, distance (in nautical miles) from the nearest IT office and signatures of 4 witnesses present during your birth. The same details need to be furnished in Annexure 12 A for your spouse, children, parents, parents-in-law, spouse’s grand father and of the teacher who taught you Maths in school. You can use Spl annexures 69 K to 70M if 12 A is insufficient. Failure to truthfully submit ALL of the above details will lead to a fine of upto 6,54,780 and/or imprisonment upto 834 years.

Ø Please fill in your employment details in table no 9 on page 46. Start with the work you did as a kid for which your father paid you pocket money. For each job you held, pls furnish proofs of employments which may include office stationery you brought home to gift your kids, personal fuel bills you re-imbursed from the office and fake medical certificates you used, to claim benefit. In Section 43, pls affix photos of yourself in the workplace of each of the employers. You can claim Tax benefit if you produce bill from the studio for these photographs.

Ø If self employed, fill page number 39A if businessman, 46E if a professional, 67K if you work from home and 99ZZ if you don’t really know. Irrespective of your profession, pls submit your electricity bills of the last 56 months so we know you have been continuously inhabiting some place. Also, get your income declaration (column 16 on page 71) counter signed by the District Sanitary inspector and the State Hindi Officer. Your return will not be accepted if any of the above is incomplete.

Ø For all professions (except for retired people), you need to fill a detailed expense statement using atleast 34 pages. Every kind of expenditure ranging from your grocery bill to the money lost in gambling needs to be duly filed in. Make sure that each entry is accompanied by either a bill or the signature of the service provider. Failure to comply can lead to verita-serum injection and truth-machine analyzer tests.

Ø For each Credit Card and Personal Loan you have, Buy additional Form No.184s from the Zonal Income Tax consulate at your state headquarters (No brokers please) and attach them to your main return.

Ø Sign on the dotted lines given on the right side of each page (you will find 26 of them on each page) (Do not sign on the dotted lines on the left- they are perforations so the page can easily be torn). If you cannot see the dotted lines, please visit an ophthalmologist and DO NOT claim Tax Benefit for his consultation bill.

Ø Now that all your documents are in order, take an auto / taxi and bring the whole set to your nearest Income Tax office. There are licensed porters available on the ground floor to haul your return up to the necessary circle office. Using a non-licensed porter is punishable under Section 1132 P, amendment H by a fine upto 647 times of your IT return and / or death by electrocution.

Even after these simple instructions, if you still have any confusions or problems, do not hesitate to call 1800-1456-??? Between 1 am and 1.07 am on Tuesdays. If you cannot reach our helpline, send a mail to nousesending@whocares.com or noonewillreply@gotohell.com.
Sada Aap ki Seva mein!!

Found this bulletin useful?? Do ask our helpline for our recent Spl bulletins on How to Get a Passport before you die, How to get a Birth Certificate in 179 easy steps and How to change address in your ration card within 19 years.

2 comments:

contemplator.... said...

heyy... that was funny... especially the email ids.. gotohell and no one cares.. hehe

g said...

baboi..funny form i ever filled in..u r very original and talented.
i love u..