Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Aliens are coming!!!!!!

I have made a major discovery!!
Our planet is in mortal peril. Aliens are about to invade us and before they do that directly, they have got a network and a system in place to disrupt our daily lives and to create chaos!!
Don't smile!! I'm serious!
To prove my point, i'll show you daily indications of Alien actions in our lives!!

1. Street lights- From afar we see that the halogen is burning bright, illuminating our path. When we get close, it suddenly turns off! (Alien plan to murder us by creating an accident-zone)

2. At a traffic junction, there is a red light and we're waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, one hero (or Bozo, whatever you call him) rushes on, beats the red light and surges ahead. Others suddenly realise this smart option and rush on too!! (The first guy is actually an alien agent, like pied piper, who has been sent to lead others to their deaths!)

3. A new shopping mall opens in town, which is selling the bestest, cheapest and most taked about-est stuff in town. When we reach there, we see that there is no parking available at all!! No. the lot is not full, there is no lot!! So, we park the car in what we consider to be the most non-intruding area on the road and go in. When we come out, our car has been towed away!! (This is a cruel alien plan to make us exercise us and also make us fight with our law-enforcement authorities and lose our faith in them!)

4. We are driving out of town on an important work and see a signpost one way indicating 150 Kms and into a bylane indicating 120. So, the smart people we are, we take the 120 kms route and after we reach a distance where we can't turn back any more, suddenly don't see any more route indications, but multiple road junctions every 120 mtrs! We use our brilliant sense of direction and ...... (This is a deep-rooted alien plan with double pronged results- to first make us lose our sense of direction and also to disorient us so we lose our self-respect, dignity and self-image and become frustrated individuals!)

5. We finally decide to go an a diet (as one day we hear the ground beneath our feet groan) and religiously draw up a plan and a roadmap to success! The next day onwards, we start getting invited to parties to Pizza Huts and Tandoori Restaurants (and everyone feels bad if we don't go). At the end of the month, we actually realise that we put on 6 kgs!! (Obviously, this is being done so we are overweight and can't join our forces to fight the alein guys when they attack!)

6. Since a Looooonnnnggggg time, we've been wanting that latest new phone / computer / TV / DVD player / Car / holiday / shoes.... and finally, after taking advice from people who are in no way qualified, decide to plunge in and indulge. Next day morning, we bump into a friend who got the same (if not better) product / model for an unbelievably low price! or, the company itself reduces the price (or declares the model defunct) as if they were just waiting for us to shift their economic orientation! (This tool is used by THEM pretty often as it makes us hate ourselves and also all those unqualified people who advised us!)

7. We know that real estate / shares / mutual funds / gold prices are shooting up. Something sensible (!) inside us stops us from putting in our money and next week, we meet a friend (the one who always copied from us in school and who finally did not graduate) who gleefully tells you that he made an obscene amount exactly on the investment you did not make! (This is a cyclic redundancy cycle put in place by martians to make sure we don't feel good! and this feeling comes with an auto-renewal feature and tomorrow also, we won't invest!!)

God knows there are more, but i need to research them more in depth before i put them up here for the whole world (and the aliens too) to see and realise.

I solemnly affirm that the above information is true to the best of my knowledge!
You have more?? do let me know!!


ambika said...

hmmm sounds logical!! A hilarious concoction of fantasy and reality. Nice! A very different perspective. Enjoyed reading it!!

angelofdusk said...

i somehow thought there was a subtle esson for us, to use headlights, to obey traffic signals, to shop in rasthe ka maal sasthe mein style, to eat ghar ka khaana, to trust minimal gadgets, to just be as loyal to our not so tech savvy yet the so much more less frustrated ancestors we had

good one saaru~!